Your life isn’t really yours.

That’s what they’ve been trying to tell us for a long time! 🤦🏽‍♀️

Looking back now, it seems funny to think these were words I used to say,

‘It’s my life’

‘You can’t choose for me’

‘I’m responsible enough to bear the consequences.’

I get it now.

My mum had me at the start of the rainy season in the year General Abacha died. I was her first and she was refreshed and ready to face the tedious journey of motherhood. She watched me become a girl, an adolescent into a woman. And honestly, not much has changed about me. I’m still the determined, passionate child she bore. She is aware of who I am, my hedonistic leanings and principles I will die on. I am answerable to her.

She is a part of an important institution — family. As a whole, I am a also a part of that unit, that institution. This means, no matter how old I grow, I’m always going to be answerable to this unit because of the role they play in my life and my role as a part of that unit.

The moment we left our primary units and became part of greater society, we signed up to give more parts of our lives to more institutions. Imagine coming from a religious background. — the church is one of the mightiest and most influential institutions one can be a part of. This is why they are involved in nearly every human social interaction and activity.

In the last few weeks, the church has come under fire for its role in abusive marriages and how it handles it. And I know for certain that the body of Christ felt the loss beyond denominations. The question on everyone’s lips was ‘is the family and church culpable for Osinachi’s death, since they were aware of her marital woes?’

It is the same logic that informs the question, ‘what role did the Chrisland school play in the crisis involving pre-teens and prepubescents? Are they grooming decent, healthy youngsters or is that solely the job of parents?’

They used to say, it takes a village to raise a child. Yet, I have seen other adults, including teachers take insults for correcting a child that wasn’t theirs. I’ve also seen young people reject counsel from important figureheads in the church. Heck, at one point in our lives, many of us have told a parent or older relative, ‘hey, let me live MY life’

It seems fair to explore and make choices that suit you. But don’t be too selfish to realize that these choices have an impact on the institutions you are a part of. Your hurt is their hurt and if you are not doing well in any aspect of your life, it might sometimes feel like a phantom limb pain. You don’t own all the shares and you have an obligation to these investors and employees in the business that is your life.

On that note, invest what you’ve got and make sure you live out the best version of yourself.

Cheers 💕